


Mai Le Loloto

by Darknyss



Category: World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Anxiety Disorder, Current Events are Not Mentioned, Depersonalization, Depression, Dissociation, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Kayfabe Compliant, M/M, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Suicidal Thoughts, Violent Thoughts, abuse of punctuation, recent events as from october 22nd will not be mentioned
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-26
Updated: 2018-11-26
Packaged: 2019-08-07 23:48:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16418375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darknyss/pseuds/Darknyss
Summary: Dean's inner life.





	1. Chapter 1

His mind is all fire and burning embers, a ravaged plain after a wildfire. His soul is dark, a pit of murder. The only thing that makes him real is pain. outside of the ring, in moments of loathed leisure, he feels like a ghost, intangible like smoke as if a breeze will carry him away into the storm. 

He fights, he fights and bites and claws and scratches and bleeds and bleeds and feels - if not alive - then at least present in his aching body.

There is nothing kind about him, nothing good. All his memories are jagged slivers of glass and screams. No one has ever been gentle with him an neither has he been gentle with anyone. ... is hard and rough and unpleasant, entirely divorced from anything but for the physicality of the act. He only ever felt affection for his baby cousin and they took her away and with her went any softer emotion. There is nothing about him now but teeth and nails, barbed wire and neon tubes and blood. He is nothing but scorched earth inside.

 

In WWE things change. He is teamed with Reigns and Rollins and it's awful because they care. Very little at first and then only because they want to keep their team together, but it's new and bewilderingly different and something he is unused to because it anchors him in ways that make him shudder and quake. He prefers pain, he knows it and prefers it over kind words, over jokes that are not cruel and barbed. He still tries to find himself in the crash of fists against in his teeth in the bars he frequents - just once now before they drag him away. 

He feels unsubstantial so he antagonizes them, goads them into violence and curses; Rollins is a geyser and scalds him easily, Reigns is a mountain-range, remote and still, cold in a way but when he lays his hand in his neck, he falls in the solidity of his own body. It's awful, it inspires awe.

The more he feels present in the moment, without pain to put him there, the more Rollins' eruptions lessen, the warmer Reigns becomes.

The street dog finds shelter, shivering and scarred and wary of its welcome, but shielded never the less.

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

> It's embarrassing, the way he shatters when Seth turns on them.
> 
> He hates how weak he is, how wounded and destroyed he looks on TV. He bleeds over the screens, in the ring, backstage, everywhere. He slogs through a stream of blood, gushing from his heart. He's weak and exposed and his self has never been more present, because he doesn't think he's ever been this hurt.
> 
> He's ashamed at the way he exposes his distress to the public. He's a gibbering wreck and Seth knows. He knows everything Dean is, the dark corners of his mind, the monsters lurking beside his bed. Seth knows and doesn't hesitate to exploit. It's a public autopsy, the unwrapping of a mummy, a corpse laid bare. His insides are spread out for all to see and laugh at, for Seth to play in. Blood and guts on the mat, ugly crawling bad things, black blood and bile.
> 
> He's going insane, more than usual. He wants to destroy Seth, tear him to pieces and stomp on all that's left. He's screaming, gibbering, wailing and raging; a pathetic wreck unable to stop himself. If it wouldn't feel like quitting, he'd throw himself of a bridge but the desire to hurt Seth is too strong. Dean is not a quitter, he'll fight to the death, he hopes it'll kill him.
> 
>  
> 
> Roman tries so hard to soothe and mend his fractures, tries to cool down the volcano of his black grief, but he's wounded too and to Dean it just feels like they're sharpening their broken pieces against each other. He doesn't want Ro dragged down in his insanity anyway; someone has to come out of this unblemished. Roman is the Soul and he has great things to accomplish, so he pushes him away and after the title and out of the blood.

 

 

 

 


End file.
